


Who's A Good Tiger?

by RoseRose



Series: Pepper and Sam Have Coffee [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, M/M, Sam and Pepper are done with this shit, Tigers, mentions of animal abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 12:41:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17787602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseRose/pseuds/RoseRose
Summary: The Avengers find a tiger while on a mission. Tony brings it home. Sam and Pepper are SO done with this shit.This is first in a loosely connected series of stories that all take place in the same universe but should not require each other to make sense. They are connected by Sam and Pepper discussing the situation over coffee





	Who's A Good Tiger?

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta, Eirlyssa! All errors are mine.
> 
> Also, thanks for the inspiration, WinterIron and Stuckony Discord servers. This is the result of conversations on both of the servers.
> 
> And also, thank you, city of Houston, for the following news that inspired the story: https://www.cnn.com/2019/02/12/us/abandoned-home-tiger-trnd/index.html (Caution, video autoplays at the link)

Pepper slid into her usual booth across from Sam. No one ever expected her to be in the ratty, quiet diner, which made it the perfect place for her and Sam's weekly “what are the idiots up to this time” conversation. While she was no longer dating Tony, she was his closest friend especially since Rhodey was always stationed somewhere the Air Force could get the best use out of War Machine. Sam was Steve and Bucky's best friend in this century, so between the two of them, they did their best to keep them from being idiots. Usually, they didn't have much success, but at least they had each other to commiserate with.

As soon as she sat down, she asked, “Were you there for the tiger?”

Sam sighed deeply. “Yes. Although, this particular one seems to be on Tony. Steve and Bucky just realize they aren't changing his mind without ending up in the couch so are instead throwing all in with him.”

Pepper thought back to yesterday, when she was first introduced to the latest bad idea by a grinning, bouncing Tony. “Yes, he's completely invested in this one. I haven't seen him this happy since the three of them got their acts together.”

“He's already creating a complete tiger habitat at the compound, and he just found the thing two days ago! I really wish Steve and Bucky had been willing to risk the couch to stop this one.”

Laughing, Pepper shook her head. “I was introduced to the idea because he's renovating the Tower so he can visit it with the tiger, did he REALLY name him Emperor Furfang?”

“Yes, yes he did. I keep hearing a grown man cooing 'Emperor Furfang', 'Furface' and worst, 'Empie'. I tried pointing out when he first got the tiger that they don't make good pets, but all he responded with was commenting about how he was a poor, abused, misunderstood floof.”

“How did Bucky and Steve react at first?”

“Steve also felt sorry for the tiger until Bucky pointed out how big its paws were, and that without Tony wearing the armor, it wouldn't be all that hard for... God help me... Emperor Furfang to eviscerate Tony. At that point, Steve, who still felt really bad for the tiger, tried to find a sanctuary close by so Tony could visit, but there was less risk of evisceration.”

“And that is when Tony doubled down on keeping Emperor Furfang?” Pepper managed to perfectly hide how much she absolutely hated the fact Tony had, without even being present, gotten her to say the ridiculous name.

“Exactly. He stated that the poor overweight thing needed attention and love, as well as specially created exercise equipment so that he was cared for and able to get back to a healthy weight. Tony then locked the super soldiers out of the workshop while he worked on the aforementioned habitat and the exercise equipment. Quickly they went from wanting to kick out the tiger to supporting Tony in taking care of it.”

“Those two will do anything for Tony. Usually it's adorable, but the rest of the time it turns into a bad decision feeding circle.”

“I will give them this. Bucky and Steve appear to be on high alert any time Tony is spending time with Emperor Furfang, and they are doing their best to make sure that he doesn't get eviscerated. The problem is, Tony has already started teaching the tiger how to hug. He's also built a tiger sized robot that hauls a hunk of meat around the compound rather quickly to get the tiger to run after it and exercise. It's both adorable and disturbing.”

“I'm glad I haven't seen that yet. Tony wants me to come to the compound so he can introduce me to the tiger before he brings it to the Tower.”

“Honestly, so far he seems pretty gentle for a predator, and actually seems to genuinely like Tony. He rubs his head against Tony's hand, and tries to cuddle him. So, right now, it seems like a bad idea but nothing that I can do to stop it.”

At that point, talk turned towards Stark Industries gossip as they finished up their coffees.

Sam looked more than a little more harried at their next meeting the next week.

“That damned tiger. Tony still loves him, and the tiger loves Tony. The problem is the tiger hates anyone else getting close to Tony. I have two supersoldiers whining at me about not being able to cuddle their genius or even touch him when the tiger is around.”

Pepper made a sympathetic sounding noise, to get Sam to continue his update.

“Emperor Furfang growls every time someone touches Tony, and will often get between Tony and anyone else in the room. Bucky's growling back, but every time he does, Tony asks him to be nice to the poor abused animal. Steve is trying to bribe the tiger with choice meat and treats, but all that's getting him is less growls. He still can't get anywhere near Tony without the tiger getting in between them. Emperor Furfang does go to his incredibly large and elaborate tiger complex to sleep, but during the day, he's always with Tony. Tony will take naps with his head leaning on the tiger, and isn't sleeping at night while the tiger is in his complex because that's when he's working, since his days are taken up by the tiger! Steve and Bucky are ready to resort to their own bad ideas to get their genius back.”

Pepper nodded thoughtfully at that point. “Let's see what I can do. I think I need to find a female tiger who needs a male tiger. Maybe that will lure Tony into letting the tiger go. I was hoping he'd get tired of it on his own, but if he's clung that strongly and quickly, Tony won't let go unless it's for the best for Emperor Furfang. No matter how much it hurts him.”

After leaving the coffee shop this time, Pepper decides that this is a bad idea that needs fixing rather than one she can leave as a lesson to the boys. She finds a lonely female tiger, and at the next coffee shop meeting, asks for an update.

“Tony is moping because Emperor Furfang is very happy with his new lady tiger. Steve and Bucky have relaxed, and are cuddling their genius almost constantly. The amount of sap in the air is over the top, but the dangers of bad ideas have retreated. Emperor Furfang still comes to visit, but since he goes home to his new sanctuary regularly, Steve and Bucky are putting up with it. I dread the next time we find a dangerous animal in a cage on an Avengers mission, though. We've adopted tigers and assassins. What's next?”


End file.
